Well, it sounds like we are almost done fighting with the FDA. My doctor called to tell me last week that as soon as they found a lab that the FDA deems worthy of doing such blood testing that we could proceed.
Then they contacted me yesterday and said that they had to get a sperm sample, test it for diseases, and then freeze it for 6 months and test it again.
I am currently fighting them on this point. I find it ridiculous. So, we are trying to work out those details. I am hopeful we will be able to do another retrieval this summer.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
Sadness
Well, we were supposed to have the retrieval this weekend but we had to cancel. Some FDA thing.
Sometimes I wonder if God is like, "How many doors do I have to shut before you decide to go a different way?"
Sometimes I wonder if God is like, "How many doors do I have to shut before you decide to go a different way?"
Monday, March 24, 2008
Thoughts
Not much of anything new has happened. I haven't forgotten to take any of my shots lately which is a good thing. I had the flu this weekend. It is still lingering but as long as I am not throwing up I will take it.
I'm done with those blasted birth control pills. I will start my second injections on Friday. So then we will be at one in the morning and one in the evening. It is scary that the whole process is right around the corner again. I keep having nightmares about it. Sometimes it is about the egg retrieval sometimes it is after the baby is born.
Anyway, I have realized that it is easy to lose sight of what is really important as you go through all this.
I'm done with those blasted birth control pills. I will start my second injections on Friday. So then we will be at one in the morning and one in the evening. It is scary that the whole process is right around the corner again. I keep having nightmares about it. Sometimes it is about the egg retrieval sometimes it is after the baby is born.
Anyway, I have realized that it is easy to lose sight of what is really important as you go through all this.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
For entertainment purposes only!
The trailer to a new movie coming out in April that I probably will not go to see for a while.
http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/babymama/
http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/babymama/
Monday, March 10, 2008
Whoops
Well, I would have sworn that I wrote an update about our DR visit a couple of weeks ago but it is not here. So here it is.
Apparently the retrieval was really rough because I have so much scare tissue and that causes a lot of pain. That would be why I missed a week of work. So, he said for this next time he will be better prepared. Hopefully I will be better prepared also. When I came to I was in a lot of pain. This time they are going to put me under completely.
So, I am on BCPs right now. I will start Lupron on 3/15 and Bravelle and Menopur on 3/28. The estimated retrieval date is 4/7 but they are increasing my meds to hopefully get more eggs and last time I responded quickly. I wouldn't be surprised if they scheduled it early again like last time.
Apparently the retrieval was really rough because I have so much scare tissue and that causes a lot of pain. That would be why I missed a week of work. So, he said for this next time he will be better prepared. Hopefully I will be better prepared also. When I came to I was in a lot of pain. This time they are going to put me under completely.
So, I am on BCPs right now. I will start Lupron on 3/15 and Bravelle and Menopur on 3/28. The estimated retrieval date is 4/7 but they are increasing my meds to hopefully get more eggs and last time I responded quickly. I wouldn't be surprised if they scheduled it early again like last time.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
I want to be a mom. But I can't.
Instead, I'm a mom wannabe. I want to procreate. I want to conceive a child naturally with my husband, in the privacy of our home, in the spirit of love and passion, in the way God intended. But I can't.
Instead, I suspect a doctor and a laboratory will try to assist God with our conception while my husband watches from the other side of the room. I want to have sore breasts and be totally exhausted, then discover that my period is several days late. I want to buy a pregnancy test and pee on a stick. I want to see a second line. I want to cry tears of joy for the news we'd discover. I want to surprise my husband with the news that he is going to be a daddy. I want to see the look on his face. But I can't.
Instead, I cry tears of pain every month when it doesn't happen and I cry to my husband, "Why??" and I apologize for being defective, because he is fine. I want to experience morning sickness. I want my hormones to go haywire. I want the 'pregnant glow.' I want to have my husband talk to my belly. But I can't. I want to take pre-natal vitamins. I want to eat for two. I want to schedule my first doctor's visit. I want to sit in the waiting room with other pregnant women and know that I am one of them. But I can't.
Instead, I wonder if those pregnant women ever had problems conceiving and if they are taking that little miracle for granted. I think how cute they look as they waddle with their big bellies. I smile at babies that are not mine. I ache from loving someone I've never met. I want to hear the Doctor say, "You're pregnant. Your progress is right on schedule." But I can't.
Instead, I hear my well-meaning friends say "just relax." Wow! If I had known anxiety was an effective form of birth control, I'd have tried it years ago! I wanted to surprise my parents with a new grandchild; instead I burdened them with the news that we are having problems conceiving. I want my life to change overnight. I want to read What to Expect When You're Expecting. But I can't.
Instead, I read When Empty Arms Leave a Heavy Burden. I want to wear maternity clothes and rub my belly (but not too much because it annoys the heck out of me when pregnant women do that continuously!) I want to monitor the progress. I want to see the ultrasounds. I want to hear the heartbeat. I want stretch marks. I want to watch our baby grow. I want to feel the kicks. I want to be measured. But I can't.
Instead, I give blood, get poked and prodded and have surgery. I pray for my eggs to grow and pray they fertilize. I take my temperature and try to interpret every little rise and dip, and how it compares with my temperature pattern last month. I take supplements. I wait. I pray. I wait for the one phone call that can make our life better. Or worse. I want to decorate the nursery. I want to childproof our home. I want to shop for adorable, soft, tiny outfits. I want to shop at Gymboree. I want to save money for the baby's future. But I can't.
Instead, I imagine a crib in the empty room down the hall. I avoid the baby stores in the mall. I want to be the one to excuse myself to go nurse my baby.
Instead, I'm the one stuck at the table with all the husbands. I want to use a car seat. I want to pump. I want to have my baby throw up all over me. I want to change dirty diapers. I want to give baths. I want to watch my husband hold our baby from across the room. But I can't.
Instead, I watch him with our niece and love the way he loves her, but get my heart broken each time I see it. I want to see him love OUR baby. I want to tell my friends about how my baby learned to roll over, or say da-da, or how he took his diaper off and threw it across the room. I want to buy my baby new shoes. But I can't.
Instead, we will spend our money on doctor appointments, tests and high tech procedures. We will spend our money on a dream. We may be left with an empty bank account. We may be left with empty arms. I want to share the experience with my pregnant friends. I want to compare symptoms. I want to be the guest of honor at a baby shower. But I can't.
Instead, I watch my friends get pregnant quickly. I watch their bellies grow, attend their showers, see their pictures and try to be a good friend. I watch their lives change and our friendships change in front of my eyes. I want my belly to drop. I want my water to break. I want contractions. I want my husband by my side and my family in the waiting room. I want the pushing. I want the pain. I want to hear the cry. But I can't.
Instead, I feel a different pain. I hear my own cry. Yes, I even hear the cry of my husband which hurts more than I had ever imagined. I want to hold our baby in my arms, with tears of joy streaming down our faces. I want the nurses to take a picture of us when our baby is only minutes old. I want to experience the miracle of birth, thinking, "We did it!", but knowing that God did it. But I can't.
Instead, I hold my husband in my arms with tears of sorrow streaming down our faces and wonder what God's plan is for us and why we have to go through this. I want to pray that one extra special blessing be added to my life. And I do. I pray my 1000th unanswered prayer to God and hope that this time He answers. I pray for the miracle of life that only God can give. I pray that someday soon, He will give it to us. I want to be a mom. --- But I can't.
Instead, I am right where God wants me to be: thankful for our blessings, searching out His will, basking in His grace, trusting in His perfect plan, praying for a change in status from a mom wannabe . . . to the mom I want to be.
Written by Alison Kathleen Whitney 8/25/99
Instead, I'm a mom wannabe. I want to procreate. I want to conceive a child naturally with my husband, in the privacy of our home, in the spirit of love and passion, in the way God intended. But I can't.
Instead, I suspect a doctor and a laboratory will try to assist God with our conception while my husband watches from the other side of the room. I want to have sore breasts and be totally exhausted, then discover that my period is several days late. I want to buy a pregnancy test and pee on a stick. I want to see a second line. I want to cry tears of joy for the news we'd discover. I want to surprise my husband with the news that he is going to be a daddy. I want to see the look on his face. But I can't.
Instead, I cry tears of pain every month when it doesn't happen and I cry to my husband, "Why??" and I apologize for being defective, because he is fine. I want to experience morning sickness. I want my hormones to go haywire. I want the 'pregnant glow.' I want to have my husband talk to my belly. But I can't. I want to take pre-natal vitamins. I want to eat for two. I want to schedule my first doctor's visit. I want to sit in the waiting room with other pregnant women and know that I am one of them. But I can't.
Instead, I wonder if those pregnant women ever had problems conceiving and if they are taking that little miracle for granted. I think how cute they look as they waddle with their big bellies. I smile at babies that are not mine. I ache from loving someone I've never met. I want to hear the Doctor say, "You're pregnant. Your progress is right on schedule." But I can't.
Instead, I hear my well-meaning friends say "just relax." Wow! If I had known anxiety was an effective form of birth control, I'd have tried it years ago! I wanted to surprise my parents with a new grandchild; instead I burdened them with the news that we are having problems conceiving. I want my life to change overnight. I want to read What to Expect When You're Expecting. But I can't.
Instead, I read When Empty Arms Leave a Heavy Burden. I want to wear maternity clothes and rub my belly (but not too much because it annoys the heck out of me when pregnant women do that continuously!) I want to monitor the progress. I want to see the ultrasounds. I want to hear the heartbeat. I want stretch marks. I want to watch our baby grow. I want to feel the kicks. I want to be measured. But I can't.
Instead, I give blood, get poked and prodded and have surgery. I pray for my eggs to grow and pray they fertilize. I take my temperature and try to interpret every little rise and dip, and how it compares with my temperature pattern last month. I take supplements. I wait. I pray. I wait for the one phone call that can make our life better. Or worse. I want to decorate the nursery. I want to childproof our home. I want to shop for adorable, soft, tiny outfits. I want to shop at Gymboree. I want to save money for the baby's future. But I can't.
Instead, I imagine a crib in the empty room down the hall. I avoid the baby stores in the mall. I want to be the one to excuse myself to go nurse my baby.
Instead, I'm the one stuck at the table with all the husbands. I want to use a car seat. I want to pump. I want to have my baby throw up all over me. I want to change dirty diapers. I want to give baths. I want to watch my husband hold our baby from across the room. But I can't.
Instead, I watch him with our niece and love the way he loves her, but get my heart broken each time I see it. I want to see him love OUR baby. I want to tell my friends about how my baby learned to roll over, or say da-da, or how he took his diaper off and threw it across the room. I want to buy my baby new shoes. But I can't.
Instead, we will spend our money on doctor appointments, tests and high tech procedures. We will spend our money on a dream. We may be left with an empty bank account. We may be left with empty arms. I want to share the experience with my pregnant friends. I want to compare symptoms. I want to be the guest of honor at a baby shower. But I can't.
Instead, I watch my friends get pregnant quickly. I watch their bellies grow, attend their showers, see their pictures and try to be a good friend. I watch their lives change and our friendships change in front of my eyes. I want my belly to drop. I want my water to break. I want contractions. I want my husband by my side and my family in the waiting room. I want the pushing. I want the pain. I want to hear the cry. But I can't.
Instead, I feel a different pain. I hear my own cry. Yes, I even hear the cry of my husband which hurts more than I had ever imagined. I want to hold our baby in my arms, with tears of joy streaming down our faces. I want the nurses to take a picture of us when our baby is only minutes old. I want to experience the miracle of birth, thinking, "We did it!", but knowing that God did it. But I can't.
Instead, I hold my husband in my arms with tears of sorrow streaming down our faces and wonder what God's plan is for us and why we have to go through this. I want to pray that one extra special blessing be added to my life. And I do. I pray my 1000th unanswered prayer to God and hope that this time He answers. I pray for the miracle of life that only God can give. I pray that someday soon, He will give it to us. I want to be a mom. --- But I can't.
Instead, I am right where God wants me to be: thankful for our blessings, searching out His will, basking in His grace, trusting in His perfect plan, praying for a change in status from a mom wannabe . . . to the mom I want to be.
Written by Alison Kathleen Whitney 8/25/99
Friday, February 22, 2008
It Ain't Over Till The Fat Lady Sings
Well, just when we thought our rollercoaster ride of emotions had leveled out a bit God throws us another curve.
Sandy is going to be doing another HPT in the morning just to make sure that it doesn't come out positive. It is a long shot that this would be good news but again "little is much when God is in it" so we are keeping a little bit of hope alive.
God is good no matter what happens.
Sandy is going to be doing another HPT in the morning just to make sure that it doesn't come out positive. It is a long shot that this would be good news but again "little is much when God is in it" so we are keeping a little bit of hope alive.
God is good no matter what happens.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Sad Day
Well, it seems that sometime in the last few days we lost the baby/babies. Sandy's HCG went down from 11.8 to 6.3.
It is very sad - it is hard to know exactly why it happened but hopefully next time will be better. Hopefully I will respond to the drugs a little better and the retreval won't be so hard on me.
We have an appt. with Dr. J on Wednesday next week (2/27) to talk about what to do next. So, maybe we will have a Christmas baby???
"Little is much when God is in it and no one can phathom the plans He has made."
It is very sad - it is hard to know exactly why it happened but hopefully next time will be better. Hopefully I will respond to the drugs a little better and the retreval won't be so hard on me.
We have an appt. with Dr. J on Wednesday next week (2/27) to talk about what to do next. So, maybe we will have a Christmas baby???
"Little is much when God is in it and no one can phathom the plans He has made."
Monday, February 18, 2008
Beta #1
The beta today was 11.8. Under 5 is a negative. However, below 50 they don't really want to say you are pregnant. So, originally the 2nd beta was going to be Wed.
BUT, the nurse just called and said that Sandy is going to go in tomorrow just to make sure it is rising. If it goes down then it did not work. But if it goes up then there is still hope.
Something in me just says that everything is going to be okay.
BUT, the nurse just called and said that Sandy is going to go in tomorrow just to make sure it is rising. If it goes down then it did not work. But if it goes up then there is still hope.
Something in me just says that everything is going to be okay.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
PICTURE
Well, here are some pictures. You may need to click on the picture and look at the larger image to see the plus sign. Also, Scott took a picture of all my used needles and some medicine.
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